did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
