she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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