saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
