Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
