I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
