I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
