I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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