I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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