"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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