know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
