the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
