do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
