if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
