i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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