It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
