i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
