his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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