you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
