ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He passed out mid-signature
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
