Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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