this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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