They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
