Got a toothbrush?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize