party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize