I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You are the jesus of drinking
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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