Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
