We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
