so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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