Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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