he shaved USA in his pubs
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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