Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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