for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
