just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
