I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
