Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
