Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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