You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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