I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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