my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
