Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
