I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
