I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
