I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
