How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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