I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
