I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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