Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
