You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
