I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
