are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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