i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
