I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
