I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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