in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
try to milk me bitch
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
