what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
