So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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