Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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