You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize