Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
