Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
