But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
