To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
