the condom got lost in my hair
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You ruined the universe
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
