Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i think my cat just said my name.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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