I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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