I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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