New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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